There’s a story doing the rounds that I’ve been thinking about since I read it, not because it’s complicated or politically loaded, but because it is so perfectly, cosmically awful that it almost loops back around to being funny. Almost.

Someone’s dog, fresh from the groomer, couldn’t hold it on the way home. Fine. Dogs do that. Stressful car rides, nervous stomachs, it happens. But this particular dog, with what can only be described as surgical precision, managed to deposit diarrhea directly into the gap between the two seatbelt buckles. The single worst possible spot in the entire vehicle. The one spot that requires tools to access. The one spot that, without those tools, you are just staring at, helpless, knowing it is in there getting worse.