The mercury’s climbing, and the beaches are packed. Nothing beats cooling off at Port Melbourne or Brighton Beach on a scorching summer day. Well, almost nothing - except for that one person who thinks everyone within a 50-meter radius wants to hear their specially curated summer playlist blasting from a speaker the size of a small suitcase.

This peculiar breed of beachgoer seems to be multiplying faster than bin chickens at Federation Square. They arrive armed with portable speakers that could probably be heard from space, apparently operating under the delusion that they’re the designated DJs for the entire beach.